my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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