been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
