Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
