So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
