That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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