She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
