Your dad touched me again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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