What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize