And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
