Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
