the condom got lost in my hair
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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