Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
