We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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