never play flip cup with pint glasses
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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