lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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