so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
