she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
