hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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