Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
