be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
