you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
