Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
