In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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