so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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