guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
