idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
