I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
