You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
