Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
