i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
