Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
