At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
