I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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