i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
