That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
