alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
