I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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