i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.