The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"