Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have already put on my inside pants.