Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.