i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Canadian or clown?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge