i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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