I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
