My liver just broke up with me...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
