Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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