I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?