thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.