Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.