barbara walters just said penis...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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he quoted the bible to break up with me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.