if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
