I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize