mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
