Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
