get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
