he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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