Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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