I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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