No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
