last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
