If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
