I wish i was in the wii world.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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