the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
