Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
