okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
