My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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