last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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