Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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