How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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