The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize