i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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