Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
